Les Bonnes Choses

Yesterday was the birthday of an old friend of mine, Chris Hayes. He was my next door neighbour during my formative years living on Beechbank Crescent, in what I now recognize to be a somewhat ghetto part of London, albeit not nearly as ghetto as other areas, including the one in which I now live. Chris was one of my best friends for ages, and we used to do all kinds of funny stuff: for example, between the two of us, we tormented the hell out of Vivian by constantly morphing nicknames for her as we all walked home from school (Vivian also lived on Beechbank, as did my wife, Rebecca). However, I believe some of our finest work was done as songwriters. I must have come up with a few dozen little ditties as I grew up, with such hits as "Thanks to Mooshie", "Three Eyes", "Ooh, Banana" (I came up with that one walking home with Martin in 8th grade). But perhaps the most offensive song would be "Hey Kid, You're Ugly", and it goes a little something like this:

Have you ever had a kid say, "Hey Kid! You're Ugly" to you?
Well, here's your big chance kid: Hey kid! You're ugly!

Unfortunately, I lack the requisite skills to write down the tune, but if you want to hear it one day, perhaps to pass on to your kids for their walk home from school, just let me know and I'd be happy to teach it to you.