Les Bonnes Choses

I checked the mail on the way home today. I believe it was pretty much all crapface^a, so the effort would have been a total waste of time, were it not for the fact that it provides fodder for my blog. So in no particular order, here's what was noteworthy in my mailbox today:

An opportunity to join The Allied Network, which appears to be a matchmaking company. They provided a business reply envelope and a questionnaire to describe yourself and the sort of person you'd like to meet. There's also a chance to win a dodgy cruise to the Bahamas - I can't imagine that the prize for a contest that requires no outlay of money could possibly be anything but the shabbiest, most disappointing and peril-ridden experience one could ever have. However, part of me wants to screw with them by submitting bogus information about myself looking for the most unlikely combination of characteristics in a single person. Perhaps a wealthy Scientologist with an advanced university degree who enjoys opera, fishing and MMORPGs.

The other thing in my mailbox that raised my ire was a notification from Rogers that, if I want to continue enjoying my "good deals"^b, then I need to contact them as soon as possible and commit to a 2-year contract for all my services. I will certainly be contacting them, however it will be to tell them that they can thank the jackass who dreamed up this obvious ploy to guarantee future income on their accounts for losing a customer. I was just checking out Primus to see what their home phone rates are like. I will then make good on my promise to cancel my cable, because we watch approximately 4 hours of television per month, at a whopping rate of $19.50 per hour of television watched. I'd wager that the naughty channels at the hotel are less expensive than that^c.

^a Crapface is the name we give to telephone solicitors. As in, "the phone is ringing - oh, nevermind, it's Crapface.
^b The use of the term "good deals" is intended to be ironic here, as we are paying Rogers about $200 per month.
^c The actual dollar-per-minute for the naughty channels may in fact be higher because I recall that John once read that hotel PPV programs are watched for an average of about 5 minutes, presumably because the plots are unengaging.

Allow me to begin by admitting that Jude is a biter - under very specific conditions. He goes to the West London Co-operative pre-school with his cousin Lydia, who is 1 month older, but about 30% lighter. The classes are small, with 2 adults (one of which being Lydia's mom, also Rebecca's sister) to 5 or 6 children. Jude and Lydia are the only children under 3 years of age, and Lydia is the only one that Jude seems to bite, though she's also the only one who regularly competes with Jude for the same toys. We have repeatedly told Jude that he's not to bite Lydia, or anyone for that matter. You can even quiz him and he'll tell you:

- Jude, what's the rule?

- No biting.

So perhaps I should have been more distressed to learn this evening that Jude bit Lydia yet again this morning. Upon hearing this, I asked Jude if Lydia was crying today, and he replied with his usual "yep". When I asked him why, he replied, "Jude bit Lydia".

'That's awesome,' I thought. He used the correct verb tense.

I don't remember anymore what prompted me to google for it, but I stumbled across a blog that answers what the hell interviewers are on about when they ask, "what do you see yourself doing 5 years from now?" Actually, I doubt 99% of interviewers know why the hell they ask 99% of the boneheaded questions they ask. I firmly believe that the logic behind the battery of typical trite HR questions has been lost to all but a select group of HR professionals who guard their secrets like modern day Templar knights. The rest of the world's managers are left only with clipboards filled with checklists of pithy questions and the commonsense advice passed on from their managers not to hire someone who sees himself five years from now atop a bell tower with a high-powered rifle. If you have an interview in your future, you're welcome.

Today on my way to the bus stop, I was intercepted by a guy handing out religious pamphlets. Unfortunately, he wasn't a Jehova's Witness, so I didn't get a copy of the Watchtower to help complete my anticipated Hallowe'en costume, but I held on to it nonetheless. The bus was a little bit late in arriving, so I opened it up to see what sort of slant this particular publication had. It was an assortment of New Testament verses grouped together under summary headings, such as Redemption Only Through Jesus Christ, and God's Mercy. I found the heading on page 5 to be sort of funny: Some Miracles Jesus Did -- I think it was their use of the word some, which to me makes it read like a catch-all "here's some other stuff and junk". I don't know, maybe I'll be the only person who thinks this is funny. Except John. He'll probably think it's funny too. He's like that. He always laughs inappropriately.

Stephen Harper and his Conservatives are leading in the polls, last I heard. It's even possible they may get a majority government, which I would dislike immensely. I was just wondering how weird it would be if Obama won the US presidency, with Harper as the PM with a Conservative majority. Harper is like George Bush in a cardigan. It could actually be preferable to live in the US - in the blue states, that is.

I'll begin by thanking everyone, many preemptively, for the birthday wishes. So far the day is shaping up well. A little later on, I will be going down to the MTO office and getting a plate for my new motorcycle, which Aaron was good enough to ride back to my house from the cycle center. And this evening, there will be some dinner and shopping to cap off the day.

Another thing that made my morning was the news report about various political figures making some public blunders. I found the story about the (now) former NDP candidate posting a drug-induced video on the internet to be somewhat boring. Not that I can vote for her anyways, but I was somewhat troubled to learn that Sara Palin belongs to some kind of crackpot religious group (really? Alaska is God's haven for his chosen people to survive Armageddon? No, thanks, I'll pass on the purple kool-aid). No, what I found funny was the fallout from remarks made by Gerry Ritz. In poor taste? Perhaps. But for me, his stock just went up, as, in contrast to his party leader, he appears to have a sense of humour. However as soon as it came to light, they had him reading a scripted apology, no doubt drafted by party officials. I swear, there's not a member of the Conservative party that would pass the Turing test.

I know a number of people born today: my sister Erin, Robyn Phillips, Brad's dad. In a couple days comes my buddy Ben, followed the next day by me, on the 18th. I was minding my own business at brunch this past Sunday when we were all rallied around the table for dessert. I turned to find a cake lit up in my honour. I was surprised because it had completely slipped my mind that I was celebrating my 6th annual 29th birthday this week. For reasons related to my impending PhD defense, and arrangements to buy and retrieve a used motorcycle from Sarnia (pictures forthcoming), I clearly haven't given my birthday much thought lately. Good thing I have a wish list posted on my blog for just such emergencies. On the topic of wish list, Rebecca stumbled across what might be an appropriate gift for Jen, Miranda and Amy, who are three ladies who have suffered cold hands a the computer every fall and winter since I have known them: USB heated fingerless gloves!

I just finished sealing up 5 small mason jars with hot, hot crabapple jelly. There was a little bit left cooling at the bottom of the pot, so I toasted up a cranberry-orange breakfast pita and smeared it with the remainder. Damn, it's good. The mulling spices really make it interesting. I hope to share it. Here is the final recipe that worked (sorry, it uses imperial units):

• You will first need:
  
  
  
  1. A few pounds of crabapples - mostly ripe, some not quite ripe. No bruised ones.
  
  
  2. For each pound of crabapples, one cup of water
  
  
  
  Wash and cut the crabapples in half, to make sure that you're not making crabapple and worm jelly. I read you're supposed to take the stems off too. I didn't bother. Put the apples in a big, big pot.



• Boil until they are mushy, mushy. Drain it all for several hours in a colander lined with cheesecloth (you should have cheesecloth from my previous experiment draining yogurt for tzatziki). Now you have a bunch of juice.



• Make sure that the juice has enough pectin. That's what wrecked it the first time for me. You can test this by putting 1 tbsp of rubbing alcohol on a saucer, then adding 1 tsp of the juice. If there is enough pectin, the alcohol causes juice to congeal in to a jelly that you can actually lift out on the tines of a fork. I have no plan for what if it doesn't congeal at this time, though I might consider reusing the juice in place of water to boil another pile of apples.



• Now for the jelly. You will need:
  
  1. Your pectin-laden crabapple juice. Note how many cups of juice you had.
  
  
  2. For each cup of juice, you need one cup of white sugar.
  
  
  3. A teaball or small cloth baggie (perhaps fashioned out of cheesecloth) containing 1 tbsp of mulling spices (sticks of cinnamon and cloves work fine)
  
  
  
  
• Throw the spices into the juice and bring to a boil.


• Add the sugar. Bring the resulting syrup to a rolling boil, occasionally skimming off the foam.



• During this time, you may as well be boiling a bunch of jelly jars in a big pot of water, because you will want them sterilized by the time your jelly is finished cooking. Unless botulism is your thing. To my knowledge though, there is not an underground market for homemade botox.



• When the syrup takes on the consistency of cough-syrup, and appears to move like a rolling sheet on the back of a spoon, it's done. Alternately, if you have a candy thermometer, it should reach 220°F. At this time, you can ladle it into your sterilized jars.

I think my jelly took longer than it should have because I may not have had the syrup boiling hot enough. It seemed to be taking forever until I cranked the burner up high enough that it boiled into a foaming mass that threatened to boil over the side. Then I turned it down, and when I did so, I noticed that it was no longer watery, but instead seemed to flow on the spoon. If I had a candy thermometer, I may have figured it out earlier.

Now, back to paring down my dissertation so I can get it published.

I've not updated in over a week, though I am sure you will accept my excuse that I was finalizing my dissertation so that I could hand it in yesterday. The deadline for handing it in was today, at 3pm, by which time I had noticed that I had not changed the titles on some of my tables and figures as I had planned, nor had I found and fixed the two cross-reference text errors that occurred because I was trying to be all fancy in MSWord. Oh well. That will be the low-hanging fruit for Marc, Paul and Stefan, my departmental examining committee.

Speaking of low-hanging fruit, I tried and failed, and have begun again to make some crabapple jelly. My parents have a crabapple tree in the backyard that is currently weeping small fruit all over the lawn. Mom sent a bunch over to me the other day, and I tried to adjust the recipe to account for the fact that I had no pot large enough to contain 2 kilos of crabapples. Something didn't scale well, however, as the juice apparently didn't have enough pectin to form a jelly, so this morning I made scorched crabapple candy as I boiled the syrup of juice and sugar in vain. This evening when we picked up Jude from his Nana's house, I climbed a step ladder and picked some more crabapples, scaring the crap out of Rebecca in the process (though my insurance is paid up, so I don't know what her problem is). My innovation to the recipe will be to infuse some mulling spices before I add the sugar. That should be damn tasty.

Also from my kitchen lab (I have been on a cooking spree this week), I tried to make a sweet balsamic vinaigrette the other day. Balsamic vinegar can be made into a sweet syrup by reducing it. It is also sometimes used to marinate strawberries. So I thought that reduced balsamic vinegar mixed with olive oil and pepper might make a good vinaigrette for a green salad with strawberries and walnuts (Rebecca also added some goat cheese to hers, which made it look even more fancy). I think it needs a bit of work as a vinaigrette, but it was pretty tasty, and I couldn't stop dipping my bread in the stuff.

...one man stands between freedom, and the end of life as we know it.

You may have read the title of this entry in the particular deep baritone voice that you've hear a million times during the movie trailers. I'm sad to report that the owner of that voice, Don LaFontaine, has gone on to the great feature presentation in the sky. In memory of Mr. LaFontaine, I present a funny skit I saw on the interwebs about a year ago. More news after the jump.

I spent the Friday before the Labour Day weekend cleaning out the microwave and refrigerator in my office. Some of you may have seen my facebook status updates on the topic. Ken has always owned these two appliances since I've been in his lab. The microwave wasn't even in use when I started in 2002. The refrigerator was in use, at least by our lab manager, though its capacity was diminished by the ice that had been forming inside. Fast forward 6 years. The microwave had never been properly cleaned before it was recommissioned, and the refrigerator had never been defrosted. So I brought the appliances down to the SSC loading dock area where a hose was available, borrowed a hammer and large screwdriver, and removed the ice from the fridge. I had been meaning to tell the geography department that I had uncovered fossil water in the form of ice in the fridge. I uncovered some Jamaican patties, a brick of cheese, and a wooly mammoth encased in the ice that solidly filled the freezer. So that was gross. I cleaned the microwave by turning the hose on the inside of it. Normally, you might think this was a bad idea, but I had tried scrubbing it out with brillo pads before, with no real success, so I would challenge any of you to come up with a better idea. Seriously. Food stalactites had formed on the inside.

The real flaw in my plan became evident when I brought the newly cleaned appliances back into my office. As soon as the microwave was plugged in, it started microwaving. Water must have gotten inside the fan area and caused some sort of short. However, as the microwave was probably 15 years old and reclaimed, I was able to come to terms with the possibility that I had destroyed it. As it happens, it just needed to dry out and now works fine. So I now have two clean appliances in my office, just in time for my last semester at UWO.