Les Bonnes Choses

So I got a megadose of Canadiana on the tellie this evening. How It's Made, a program produced in Canada, was interrupted by a commercial for a contest associated with two great Canadian institutions: Canadian Tire and Tim Hortons. The contest details? Purchase some Canadian Tire Craftsman brand tools and enter to win a chance to join the 2011 Heritage Classic build team. Let me clarify. Buy some tools and, if you're lucky, you can get shipped out to Calgary in the middle of winter so you can build a hockey rink.



I am holding off purchase of a Kenmore sewing machine until the spring, when Sears will fly one lucky owner to Sri Lanka to make hoodies for The Gap.

The bar for celebrity has been set rather low these days.

I was standing in the Barnes & Noble passing time among the bargain books and new releases when I noticed the magazine rack. Perfect. In the few minutes I had, I could get caught up with the specs on the most recent computer components, find out the names of the latest teen crushes I should be making fun of, and be able to identify the cars I'll see on the road next year. The Barnes & Noble magazine rack doesn't sell books. It sells the future. And it was there that I caught a glimpse of what this world is coming to, and it's not pretty.

Spoiler: I'm about to pass judgment on people I have never met.



When I was a little kid, I liked to watch Entertainment Tonight. By the time I reached eighth grade however, my paradox detector had developed, and I could no longer stomach a television show about people that were celebrities because they were on a television show about celebrities. Say what you will about John Tesh's smooth adult contemporary style, I gained respect for him when he stopped sharing the screen with Mary Hart's mannequin smile to focus on his music career, such that it is.

So like the kingmakers of yore, media outlets can find the silver lining in any sort of screw-up, so long as it can hold people's attention for 26 half-hour episodes, and mine it for all it's worth. I can't see how giving away a free ride in life to douchebags and fall-down-drunks from New Jersey, or to teenage moms can possibly go wrong.

Bananas are a peculiar fruit. Or are they a fruit? I'm not sure. I think so. One thing that's funny about them is that the trees that supply the bananas we eat don't grow from seeds. We bred the seeds out of the fruit generations ago, so you can only get a banana tree by taking a cutting from an existing banana tree.

Another funny thing about them? As they ripen, bananas begin a bright green, start to yellow, and then develop brown freckles that grow until the entire banana is chocolate brown. And for most people, bananas are palatable during only one of these brief stages. The problem is, you're either waiting or gorging because they're only edible for 10 minutes. Amy and Gill like their bananas yellow with a hint of green; to me, they taste like chalk. It isn't until they are yellow and just starting to take on freckles, ready for the girls to toss in the bin, that I'd eat them. And then there's Szeto, who I know will would eat a banana after it has turned black. But what if it were easier to coordinate your banana purchase with a line of friends who would happily take your overripe bananas off your hand?

I present the next big thing in social networking: bananaswap.com

Of course, I was taking quite a risk when I typed the domain name into my browser to see if it had been taken. Once you see something on the internet, you can't un-see it. It turns out someone beat me to the name, though it appears they sell furniture. I don't get the connection at all. Hopefully nobody else does either, and the company will go out of business so I can get the domain name for pennies on the dollar. In the meantime, if you're looking for something to do with your overripe bananas, I recommend using them in hot chocolate:

Bananaswap Hot Chocolate
5 oz. milk
1 oz. dark chocolate
pinch cayenne
1/2 overripe banana

If you know anything about me, you will know I made those measurements up.

Heat your milk up on the stove in your double-boiler. Go do something like tag a bunch of MP3 files, and then when you remember you were in the middle of making hot-chocolate, your milk should be the right temperature. Break the chocolate in to small chunks (chocolate chips already are small chunks), and whisk until melted into the milk.

Add a pinch of cayenne because all the cool kids add cayenne to chocolate these days. It's very hip. And tasty. Finally, drop in your half banana. You have a stick blender, right? You really need one. Use it to blend the banana into the cocoa. It also goes all frothy, which is a plus.

Serve.

I don't know why recipes often include that instruction. Like you're going to make a meal and then leave it in the casserole pan to rot.

Enjoy your vitamin fortified hot beverage. And if you literally use "a pinch" of cayenne, do not -- DO NOT -- rub your eyes unless you want to look like a G20 protester on Bill Blair's watch.

Did anyone else read about the recent territorial dispute in Latin America? You can read more on The Ceeb, but just so you don't have to go off-site, I present the Cole's Notes version of the story: There's a land dispute between two Latin American countries in which an error in Google Maps borders resulted in Nicaragua crossing over into Costa Rica.

When I read that, I thought, "Wow, that's alot of power." Sure, I trust Google Maps for live traffic updates, but for coordinating military movements and establishing political boundaries?

I guess Stephen Colbert was on to something when he brought Truthiness into the vernacular.

So, given all this power that Google apparently has, is there any reason they shouldn't use it to usher in a new age of peace and prosperity? Reunification of North and South Korea? A new Palestinian state? Bypass diplomacy altogether and just update Google's world map.

If anyone has any problem with it, Google can always threaten them with the "bomb you back to the stone age" cliche.

Following the November 20 tailgating party at my place, there were 4 lonely bottles of Bud Light sitting by the back door. And being that not only am I from Canada, but my taste in beers is snobby by even Canadian standards, they remain there, now covered in Chicago's first snowfall of this winter season. However, I am also frugal, or at least try not to be wasteful (which is why they remained there), so I decided to investigate whether beer might work in some kind of potato soup. My standard procedure is to google the ingredients: if "potato beer soup" returns any hits, then I assume that it works well enough to merit a recipe, and have a recipe for reference, should I need any guidance. Fortunately, I have made potato soup several times with my trusty stick blender. Recipes generally seem to call for either baked potatoes, from which you subsequently scoop out the flesh from the skins, or else cubed peeled potatoes which are boiled in the stock. I say to hell with all that effort. By simply prefixing your recipe with the word "rustic", you can just toss some scrubbed and cubed potatoes into the stock, skins and all.

Rustic Milwaukee Potato Soup
2 Potatoes that you can't be bothered to peel
16 oz. Unsalted Chicken Broth
1/2 c. Cheddar Cheese
1 bottle of beer you don't really want to drink
Salt, pepper, rosemary to taste

Wash and cut the potatoes into large (1-inch) cubes, and drop them into a large saucepan. Add the chicken broth, salt, pepper and rosemary. Bring to a boil. Let simmer for enough time to finish a project you started in Photoshop. Add grated cheese and beer. Use your stick blender. Feel the power.

Loaded potato bonus: add sour cream and bacon bits. Instead of sour cream, I used some french onion chip dip that I was also not planning on eating. I think it may have been left over from that same tailgating party. I really got a lot of mileage out of that party. I also added some liquid smoke because I add that stuff to everything. I think I might be addicted to sulphides.

E-Commerce is brilliant. At one point, it paid my tuition. You can find most anything you want on sites like Amazon, and pay less than you would in most stores. Sure, you can't try anything on, but if your sizing options are S-M-L, or you're buying something like a book or electronics, that hardly matters. The only real downside I can see is that you generally can't ask questions about your purchase. Of course, if you would otherwise be shopping at a large chain store, I would argue that the staff there aren't likely to be much more helpful (ever wander the aisles in Home Depot looking for help? The commercials depict a small army ready to assist in any way. What a fiction). No, if you want customer service, go shop at a small independently owned store. The local Ace Hardware has got to be one of my favourite places on earth.

So today, I fell down the rabbit hole, after reading up on ram drives. What that is, and why I was reading about it is not important (if you must know, this is what it is, and I was reading about them because I'm easily distracted when involved in drudgery). Anyways, I found myself following a link to an e-commerce website selling RAM disk software:



Note the URL (http://goldoemsoftware.com/legal-software/etc.). Naturally, I had to ask whether there was a corresponding directory where they showcased their illegal offerings:



Particularly amusing to me is the juxtaposition of the software titles alongside the logos of the copyright holders with whom they apparently are proud partners.